Jacquie Lawson Greeting Cards

What's a Bride to Do?

Bridal Coaching can help the Bride with the interpersonal and decision-making aspects of planning and carrying out the Perfect Wedding. What it can't do is control the action of other people -- and the actions of "other people" are often what send the future Mrs. over the edge. It is not just about the Dress, the Cake, the Band, the Rings -- it's about the myriad number of people who are suddenly involved in what you thought was your big day. Suddenly, everyone has an opinion. Suddenly, your best friend and Maid of Honor is being uncooperative. Suddenly, you feel out of control. And only -- because you are. Even in planning the most perfect wedding, there will be aspects out of your control. Once you hit the aisle, you pretty much have to roll with the punches, or suffer. And suffer, many Brides do. Once you hit the aisle, there's no turning back. Sure you can complain about the volume of the music, the temperature of the ballroom, even the placement of the cake table. What you can't control, or often comprehend, is the behavior of members of the wedding party, of relatives, friends, colleagues -- in short, the behavior of the guests. While it is often the Bride who is tagged as "Bridezilla," or the one who is behaving badly, it is often the guests, and not just the drunken ones, who can try to ruin a bride's "Special Day." One bride told me the story of how one of her husband's relatives asked what the attire was. The relative was educated and had been to many, many weddings. The bride, however emailed back the following, specific instructions: "Cocktail attire, any color except white." Now why would a bride have to tell someone not to wear white? In this case, the groom warned the bride that his family knew nothing about etiquette, and also, the bride had seen the asker in a white suit at a different family function (not a wedding). So, in order to make sure this relative did not turn up in the white suit, the bride was specific. This bride wanted to be the only one in white at her wedding -- certainly her perogative. The relative showed up in what? The white suit, of course. And it wasn't as if she didn't own anything else. She had black cocktail dresses. But why would she do it? To be inconsiderate, thoughtless, a boor? To demonstrate that she had no class or respect for the bride? She wouldn't make eye contact with the bride on the day of the wedding -- she knew what she had done -- the only question was why? She was married. Had had her own white wedding -- could it have been jealousy, narcissism, or immaturity that would make her wear white even after the bride specifically asked her not to? So, in spite of all the attention to detail, all the planning and specific instructions, the bride had no control over the behavior of the guests! Please feel free to write in with comments about your experiences with elements of your wedding or those of friends, where situations occurred outside the control of the bride, and how the bride handled it. In the story above, the bride, from what I hear, took the high road and said nothing....And so it goes! Best wishes, Paula Verbit

I'm the Bride

It is very difficult for friends and family to understand why a perfectly normal nice girl or woman turns into a perfectionistic, bossy, control freak when she gets engaged. And the reason is simple: She's the Bride. It's her show, it's all about her, it's her special day, she is the queen, the star, the center of attention. Why is this so? From a spiritual perspective, marriage is a rite of passage from childhood into adulthood. From being the recipient (the child), the Bride, as wife, then mother and homemaker, and many times working woman, is now the Giver (the adult). So, being the Bride is the last time you get to take it all and be the Ultimate Recipient! So when you see that your best friend has turned into a Bridezilla, know that this is her opportunity for the world to witness her transition to the other side. And a major psychological and spiritual transition it is. The wedding may be about flowers, dresses, the band, the limo -- but the marriage will be about building a home and family and being responsible. Ususally, this is the last time, it is all about you...So when your friend, sister, cousin, etc., acts like the world devolves upon her, understand why.

Whose Opinion Counts!

"I'm the bride." Yes, and there is a Groom, usually a Mother and Father of the Bride and a Mother and Father of the Groom, and sometimes, step-parents, siblings, bridesmaids, and other interested parties who have an opinion relative to your wedding! But how do you negotiate a wedding which features the Bride, but really involves the Groom, the bridal party, and the families? If you would like to share your experience, or opinion, please write a comment to this post. Best Wishes, Paula

Gone Bridal

I dreampt I walked down a very long petal-strewn aisle, on the arm of my father, and that everyone was looking at me. My cousin, Jenny smiled at me and stood up, and everyone else followed suit. But I didn't dream it. I did it. I only feels like a dream. And four and a half years later, the feeling of that walk is still there, the feeling of unreality that I was the one in the big white dress, with the veil and tiara, bouquet and long train. It is nice to have, what I call, endorphin memories -- memories that take one back to a time and a place of perfection and holiness. My wedding, for me, was such a time. Walking to the Chuppah was walking towards God, towards the sanctification of the union that would be my marriage. And which today, is my marriage.