What's a Bride to Do?

Bridal Coaching can help the Bride with the interpersonal and decision-making aspects of planning and carrying out the Perfect Wedding. What it can't do is control the action of other people -- and the actions of "other people" are often what send the future Mrs. over the edge. It is not just about the Dress, the Cake, the Band, the Rings -- it's about the myriad number of people who are suddenly involved in what you thought was your big day. Suddenly, everyone has an opinion. Suddenly, your best friend and Maid of Honor is being uncooperative. Suddenly, you feel out of control. And only -- because you are. Even in planning the most perfect wedding, there will be aspects out of your control. Once you hit the aisle, you pretty much have to roll with the punches, or suffer. And suffer, many Brides do. Once you hit the aisle, there's no turning back. Sure you can complain about the volume of the music, the temperature of the ballroom, even the placement of the cake table. What you can't control, or often comprehend, is the behavior of members of the wedding party, of relatives, friends, colleagues -- in short, the behavior of the guests. While it is often the Bride who is tagged as "Bridezilla," or the one who is behaving badly, it is often the guests, and not just the drunken ones, who can try to ruin a bride's "Special Day." One bride told me the story of how one of her husband's relatives asked what the attire was. The relative was educated and had been to many, many weddings. The bride, however emailed back the following, specific instructions: "Cocktail attire, any color except white." Now why would a bride have to tell someone not to wear white? In this case, the groom warned the bride that his family knew nothing about etiquette, and also, the bride had seen the asker in a white suit at a different family function (not a wedding). So, in order to make sure this relative did not turn up in the white suit, the bride was specific. This bride wanted to be the only one in white at her wedding -- certainly her perogative. The relative showed up in what? The white suit, of course. And it wasn't as if she didn't own anything else. She had black cocktail dresses. But why would she do it? To be inconsiderate, thoughtless, a boor? To demonstrate that she had no class or respect for the bride? She wouldn't make eye contact with the bride on the day of the wedding -- she knew what she had done -- the only question was why? She was married. Had had her own white wedding -- could it have been jealousy, narcissism, or immaturity that would make her wear white even after the bride specifically asked her not to? So, in spite of all the attention to detail, all the planning and specific instructions, the bride had no control over the behavior of the guests! Please feel free to write in with comments about your experiences with elements of your wedding or those of friends, where situations occurred outside the control of the bride, and how the bride handled it. In the story above, the bride, from what I hear, took the high road and said nothing....And so it goes! Best wishes, Paula Verbit